Tristan's Fetishes
by TheCartoonusMaximus
Summary: Hello, my name is Tristan Taylor, and I have a lot of fetishes. *Snerk* 'Fetishes.' It just sounds so dirty...


"**Tristan's Fetishes"** a "Yu-Gi-Oh!" fanfiction 3-24-2014

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My name is Tristan Taylor, and I have a few mental issues. I believe the correct terminology for my problem is probably that I tend to have 'obsessions' or maybe 'fetishes.'

… (Snicker)... _Fetish_... It sounds so _dirty_...

So, yeah, I tend to obsess over things. A lot. Like, all the time. Here's just a few of my obsessions:

Miho-chan. She was my crush back in First Year. I don't even remember when I first met her, but it was probably during one of those times when Joey and I were having our fun and picking on Yugi; I say this because Tea would always come in then, cussing us out and beating us up for picking on Yugi even a little, and it seems like Miho would come with her a lot, since they were best friends.

In my eyes, Miho was the most beautiful girl to ever walk the earth. Even when she was wearing the ugliest clothes imaginable, or if she were covered in mud, or soaking wet, or even if she had a terrible case of bed-head. To me, she was an angel descended from Heaven, and I was always doing everything I could imagine to make her fall in love with me and be my girlfriend.

After awhile, she began to notice my existence and conceded to being friends with me. We began doing our homework together a lot (not alone, mind you, we had Tea, Joey, and Yugi there, too) and I'd walk her home sometimes. She liked it when I carried her backpack for her, or gave her gifts, which I did willingly and often. Tea would always take me aside and remind me that Miho had a habit of taking advantage of people and that she only viewed me as a friend, anyway, but I ignored her. I had my eye on the prize, and that prize was my angelic Miho-chan!

You can imagine my frustration when she decided to introduce me and the rest of the gang to her boyfriend when he arrived, all the way from her hometown in Japan. Evidently, the two had grown up together and were betrothed by their parents, and besides that they actually _really liked each other._

I didn't know what to do other than smile, shake the guy's hand, and walk away, telling the others that my parents wanted me home early that night. What else could I do?

I guess I was really glum about it, since Miho was my first crush, after all, because I remember Joey and Yugi both started spending more time with me. They would come over to my house, or drag me to the game shop, and they would always make me get involved in something or other with them. One day, Joey showed up on my doorstep alone, begging me for money.

Now, I know Joey works really hard at his job to make ends meet, since his mother abandoned him years ago and his father is an alcoholic deadbeat, but he's never been too broke to drop down on his knees and beg for a loan before. It's not his style; after all, no matter what life throws his way, he still keeps his pride.

When I asked him cautiously what he needed the money for, he told me that it was his sister's birthday, but he couldn't afford to buy her a nice present. Seems that he'd had the money at some point earlier that day, but then his father came in and stole it, blowing all of Joey's hard-earned cash on booze. I have never seen a guy look more miserable than Joey did when he told me this.

I was unaware that he had a sister and I began throwing questions at him, at which point he just grabbed me and took me with him to meet her. Which leads me to my second fetish...

Joey took me to a children's hospital that day, where he introduced me to his sister, Serenity. The second I lay eyes on her, all thoughts of Miho went flying out of my head. Serenity was a little younger than Joey and I, but still very close in age; she was small and sickly looking, but she still laughed and smiled and chattered away like any other girl her age. She squealed with delight over the stuffed bear that Joey had bought for her with my money and hugged her brother tight enough to cut off his circulation.

It was nice to see Joey just... being happy. And I must admit, being with Serenity lifted my spirits, too.

I think that was when I began obsessing over her.

But, I had to go back home, several cities away from the children's hospital, and I had to find something else to occupy myself with. Enter, my new fetish: cleaning.

I'm not sure when this came about, really. I just got home from the children's hospital and stood in the door to my bedroom, staring around. Since I had been so depressed after losing Miho and had been spending so much time moping around in my room, the entire room was a mess. Books, clothes, CD's, and videotapes littered the floor, my bed was unmade, and there were food crumbs in the carpet.

I stared in complete disgust at the room in front of me for a minute or two, probably resembling a deer caught in headlights, before I pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and began picking things up. I picked up all the clothes and put them into the laundry, pulled up the blinds, made my bed, vacuumed the floor, put the books onto the bookshelf, and set the CD's in a pile on my desk.

When that didn't seem like enough, I threw all of my clothing and bedding into the laundry basket and carried them downstairs, doing the laundry myself. Then I scrubbed the windows and dusted the blinds, dusted everything else, vacuumed the floor again, and began organizing everything.

By the following day, there was not one single speck of dust to be found in my room, and I had the unnerving desire to keep it that way. My mother was so impressed that she turned me loose on the rest of the house, telling me that I could clean to my heart's content. I cleaned the house a lot, and my mom would often help me out, joking that I was going to put her out of a job.

Eventually, my summer of endless cleaning ended, and Second Year started up. I went back to school, noting that my group of friends was missing someone; Tea smiled and told me that Miho had moved back to Japan, since she'd only been a foreign exchange student for one year.

I missed her, but I just smiled and moved on. Besides, we made a new friend that year. Ryou Bakura started going to our school... and little did I know that this British/Japanese boy would be the form of my new obsession.

Ryou wasn't exactly a part of our friend group at first. I mean, we all knew his name and we would happily say 'hi' to him in school, but he was so shy and reclusive that he would sink in on himself and keep his distance. He seemed lonely to me, but we respected him and left him alone.

We found out a few things about him when we ran into him in Duelist Kingdom. We learned that he possessed a Millennium Item, the Ring in his case, and that he had a dark side, like Yugi. Only, his dark side didn't like people very much, and he seemed to want to keep Ryou to himself. Despite this, I know that the 'evil' Bakura saved both me and Tea on a few occasions, although I don't know why.

He went with me to help rescue Mokuba Kaiba from Pegasus's dungeon. When I asked him why he was helping me, he told me that he wanted a new host body, one without another spirit present inside it. Ryou was always fighting back against him, and he wanted a body of his own that wouldn't fight back.

I became angry with him and knocked him unconscious, tearing the Millennium Ring off his neck and throwing it out the window. I don't know quite how I got to that point, but ever since then I've had this obsession with protecting Ryou Bakura and doing any harm I can to the Spirit of the Ring.

In fact, I would have done this exact same thing again during the Battle City Tournament, if only I hadn't been distracted by Serenity...

… and Duke.

Would you believe that Devlin and I are actually supposed to be friends?! I find it hard to believe myself a good bit of the time. Another obsession of mine is proving that Devlin is not better than me.

Even though, he seems to think he is.

I can't help it, really. The guy just gets under my skin so darn often! He knows just what buttons to push and when to push them, something he clearly enjoys. All I really want to do most days is haul off and knock that guy's block off, especially after I realize that he's irritating me on purpose!

I'm not sure who's the obsessed one here: Duke or me.

Actually, it was while we were on Kaiba's blimp during the tournament that another fetish of mine was brought to my attention. I was manically cleaning away at the room that I was sharing with Joey, Serenity, Tea, and Duke, when Duke came up behind me and asked me about my cleaning hang-up.

I explained it to him as best I could, and he grew quiet, apparently letting it go at that.

After a few minutes though, he asked me if I was also hung-up on carrying people on my back. When I stared at him strangely, he began to list off all the times he's seen me carry people: Serenity, to escape the Rare Hunters, and Ryou, to get him to the infirmary to dress his wound, and maybe a few others.

I hadn't noticed before how often I gave people in need piggy-back rides, and to this day I can't come up with a good explanation for why this is. Maybe I just like showing off my strength and my manliness, or maybe I just like helping people when they need help. I really don't know.

So now, I have come to my final fetish (man, I love that word!). And it is melons.

I know, you're going, "melons? Dude, really?!" But just hear me out on this one, alright?

(Walks up on stage, carrying an old crate that says 'soap box.' Sets box down and stands on top of it. Clears throat for attention.)

Ahem... MELONS ARE GOOD AND GOOD FOR YOU! They provide many nutrients that are important to our bodies, and they are otherwise very tasty! So do yourself a favor and go eat a melon! Any kind of melon! Big, small, it doesn't matter! Just go eat one!

(Sheepishly steps down from soap box and tries to walk away without looking anyone in the eye.)

… Oh, and uh... If you happen to see a very, very large melon with a green rind and a drawing of my face on the side, THAT'S MINE! Do you hear me?! _MINE!_

…

…

… My name is Tristan Taylor, and I may need to start seeking psychological help soon...

**The End.**

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**I had never written Tristan/Honda before this story, and I don't know what came over me to write to begin with. (Shrug.)**

**Anyway, let me know what you though of it. If you don't know what you thought of it, that's fine. I myself am unsure what to think of it.**


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